• Alli Fields

Shut the door on your self-loathing and love yourself again!

Today just sucked… Nothing went right, and no matter what you did- you couldn’t get yourself out of that awful mood! Right? Wrong! Mindset is extremely important and a couple months ago… mine was awful! I beat myself up, I had a lot of self loathing, I was never good enough in my

mind and I just always “knew” my family was better off with some other woman way better than me. Boy was I wrong. I am way better than all of that negative self hate. I AM WORTH IT! And guess what!?! So are YOU!

See, all this time I let the world and my past tell me who I was… I let it shape and define me, and believed all the negativity I was told; or what small people believed about me based on rumors or the opinions of people who didn’t even know me. I let the struggles from my marriage in past years determine how I felt and what I believed about myself… What I found was illuminating and healing.

Have you ever been told to "just be positive" and you will be? Or to "fake it till you make it"? How about "have an attitude of gratitude". People are always saying "you just have to stop being negative"… like it’s so easy. Actually... all of that is true. Except the part about it being easy. It’s not easy. It takes work, self reflection, honesty, determination, commitment and follow through.

Now, I would be lying if I told you my mindset was perfect and I never have a negative feeling or thought… Because let’s face it, anyone who tells you that is lying. It’s natural to have doubts and to have bad days. However- your happiness truly IS within your power to achieve and no one else’s. So how do you shift your mindset? How do you change all the negativity and fear into Positivity and Inspiration… and JOY?!

Like I said, it takes work… It will take more than one blog post, and I am learning more and more all the time. You will have to keep coming back for more posts to get all the tricks, but I will start with the first one! This one is a great kick off point! So first things first!

Step 1

Sit in a quiet space alone. Ha, alone? I know- it will be hard but it's important. This can be in your car, or get a sitter and use your living room, just anywhere that doesn’t feel like chaos and is quiet. If you are the lucky mom who gets a child free shower- use your shower time!

Play some meditation music and close your eyes… Take some deep breaths and focus. Think about the parts of your life you want to change.. your goals or things maybe people think you can't achieve. Starting a business? Has anyone said "tell me when you make your millions"? Okay- now take a picture of that feeling and place in your mind… zoom in… how does it feel? Probably not great, right? Next…. zoom out and move that picture out of focus and up to right corner of your brain screen.

Now, picture your absolutely perfect safe haven and alone space… What does it look like? You have achieved all your goals, you make plenty of money and are not wanting for anything… Are you on a beautiful sandy beach looking out over the water? Are you in a luxurious house with an infinity pool? Where ever your space is, hold on to that positive feeling and all the people looking at you and your success. How does it feel? How do you feel? Remember that feeling… When we get your mindset shifted, you will feel this way. Remember it… Go back to it in your mind often! You want to recognize it when you get there!

Step 2

Write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself… Be brutally honest, and dig

deep…. If you stopped on that and thought “ Uh what? That seems like the worst thing EVER!” Don’t quit reading, don’t give up… I promise it’s worth it! So- in a little more detail. Get out a piece of lined paper and draw a line vertically down the middle of the page. On the Left side, write the heading NEGATIVE. Under that column write down every single thing you hate, dislike or think others feel about you…

Like I said, this step kind of hurts and you may cry… you may be surprised at all the negative things you think about yourself. It’s key to write it all down and be honest… If you hold back, you won’t be able to shift your mindset for real. Just bare down and do it. Do you think you are fat? Write it down. Do you think you are lazy or ugly? Write it down…. Do you think your husband wishes you were a better mother? Write it down. Do you feel inadequate in all aspects of your life? Write that you feel inadequate in each specific area.. This list will likely be long. That’s normal and okay!

When I wrote my list… I sobbed at the realization of how negatively I actually thought about myself and how much I hurt at feeling like my kids don’t respect or love me, that my husband wishes I was in the same body as when we met, or that he wanted someone else in his life. That I had no redeeming qualities or talents… Guys… I was broken beyond measure, and I had no idea how broken. I feel it’s important to note, that I had done personal development before this and always thought I was healed and going to improve in my life…. but I never did THIS process in my personal development. THIS process… changed EVERYTHING!

Step 3: Read the list out loud. To yourself, not to anyone else…. It’s hard enough to read it in your head, let alone out loud, and it’s your inner most personal thoughts…. It’s not meant for anyone else. Once you have read the list out loud we are moving to the next column. On the next side of the paper write POSITIVES… Now don’t jump the gun and think you just have to write the good things you think about yourself… that’s not what we are doing… THAT list would be short. At least mine would have been.

Step 4: Look at your negative side and write the exact opposite positive on the second column next to

it… Example… My negative side says “I am fat”… My positive side would read “I am fit and healthy”. Note that I didn’t say “I am skinny”…. That might not be attainable for my mom-bod. But I could be healthy and I could be fit. So as you think of these opposites, also think what is truly possible for you if you did EVERYTHING to achieve it. Also important to note your positives need to be in the present tense. Not future. “I will be fit” is a future… “I AM fit” is a present. So go down your list, and write your positively present, opposite thoughts.

Step 5:

Read your positives out loud like you believe them. Right now you don’t, but pretend you do… This is the "fake it till you make it" part. Read it in the mirror and tell yourself you believe it. Sing it out with joy and belief! Next I want you to tear or cut your page in half, being careful not to damage your positive side.. Who cares about the negative side… With that positive side, keep it somewhere safe and accessible.

Take your negative side, tear it up, burn it, throw it out! It’s gone and you don’t care about it anymore… You don’t want to feel those things so remove them from your life… Now - big sigh of relief and feel that weight lifted off your shoulders (if you don’t feel better yet, that’s okay… you will!). Every morning and night you need to read your new list to yourself and believe it!

Over time, you will retrain your brain to feel this way about yourself. If you are having a particularly rough day, read it more often. Take a picture of it and set it as your phone background. Then you can have it everywhere you go… you will notice those pesky little negative thoughts disappear or at least diminish in strength. This is the dedication, commitment and follow through part. Be consistent and diligent in reading it to yourself with faith and belief that these things are the truth…. Because they are!

There are more steps to truly changing your mindset, but this is the first and biggest step in my opinion. Give it a shot, I promise there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. Together we will rise because, Mama, YOU are worth it!

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