When I was in high school I always had friendships that were deep and meaningful. I had friends that supported me emotionally and I supported them.
This morning I feel so much gratitude for my friends. Did they even know that they were my support system? Those friendships have carved a pathway for me to continue to find support for myself emotionally.
When I first started writing I thought I would share my story of divorce and single motherhood life.
It’s just not flowing out of me that way. I have about six rough draft of chapters and none of them feel right at this time.
I keep thinking....who is reading this? And why would they be reading this? And my eyes filled with tears.
If you are reading this maybe you are like me in some ways.
I want to be your friend. I want to support you emotionally. I want you to tell me your story. I want to hear all about your joys but especially your sorrows.
I want to look into your eyes and tell you:
“I believe you”
“You are important”
“You are strong”
“You are enough in this moment”
“I am sorry that happened”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen to you”
“I care”
I believe sharing stories creates connection and empathy when you share with the right kind of people.
I believe that each persons story is unique and sacred. I am learning more and more that I need to be careful with others stories when they are shared.
When I was reading Alli’s story I felt empathy for her and Jake. I didn’t feel judgment.
It’s her story and I can’t know what’s best for her. It’s my job to listen and trust her 100%. It’s my job to love and support humans.
I don’t have all the answers but my minds been a whirlwind of thoughts about what life is teaching me personally right now.
I have healing to do from my past story. I want to heal because my story isn’t over. I have had to accept certain truths for myself. I had to get real with my feelings. I had to start trusting myself above any other human. I had to start creating safe places to heal. I have had to allow others to think poorly of me. I have had to allow others to have their own perspectives.
My first chapter had statements that “he” “the world” and “I” would not hurt me anymore. I guess I am realizing that the only way for my hurting to stop is to take action. I haven’t been focusing on the “World” or “he” the past month. More than ever before I have been focusing on the “I”.
I have become more connected to myself than ever before. I have felt a love for myself that I believe I felt a long long time ago....but never on this earth.
I have liked myself. But I have never loved myself!! At least not like this. It’s a really powerful feeling. I have not fully encompassed everything I am experiencing. I am being patient with the process. Well, trying to be. Change doesn’t magically happen but the beginning of change (a new seed planted) can be in one moment!
I care deeply for you and want healing for you. My desire in writing is to take you on my journey of thoughts and ways I started healing. That may be in a story about my ex, my family, my work, my abuse. But know that these are a part of my story but I am now really trying to be the author of what happens next. I am trying to take action and I don’t want anyone else having control of my pen.
If you are reading this....please consider us friends. If you don’t want to be my friend that’s ok too. I would ask that you consider not reading my posts.
I’ll end for today with the most powerful statement that has changed me:
“I BELIEVE YOU”
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