• Alli Fields

Flirtatious, Steamy and Intimate. The best date ever!

It’s been a long, hard journey filled with a lot of hurt and growth. But it’s also been an amazing adventure. Today marks 9 years of marriage for my husband and I. We’ve spent 12.5 years together and we have been through so much… Good and Bad… What have I learned??? To speak up and let him know what I need, as well as listen to him and hear what he needs.

Often as women, we are the givers and we give until we can’t give anymore… It doesn’t come naturally for us to take or ask. However, it is easier for most men to take… We offer, they accept, they need something- they ask. Women are generally asking what they can do for others… We push through when we are sick, we reach out and give back more frequently. So how do you tell your significant other when you need something?

For many year, I never told my hubby when something was lacking. When I felt invisible or when I needed a little more love and compassion. I expected him to feel that I was in need… to sense it, the way I sense when he needs something. But men’s brains don’t work like that… They are more logical and realistic . Less imaginative and heartfelt. Not that they can’t be those things… It’s just not second nature… So- I’ve been working on our communication skills. Doing what I can to improve things.

When I hurt, I tell him. If I feel overwhelmed, I tell him… you get the picture… However, I am careful to word it in a way that doesn’t attack him… But my feelings, my mental health and my needs matter too. You should do this often, but seeing as today is my anniversary-why not use my Anniversary as a check in point…. You can do the same! Instead of planning that expensive restaurant then home for some hanky panky, plan an intimate night in, where you can really connect on an emotional AND physical level…

Do some self care together and openly talk about where you are in life, marriage, family and mental health. This doesn’t have to be a scary or intimidating conversation. It can be light, fun and even sexy.As you cook a meal together side by side, flirtatiously reaching over one another for ingredients, feeding bits of test ingredients, kissing and holding one another-you can talk about all the amazing things you have done together and overcome. Talk about goals for the future.

As you sit down to eat the delicious meal you steamily cooked together, talk about a new skill you want to learn and maybe that’s a skill you can do together…. Maybe it’s not a skill but an exercise goal.. If you need your partner’s help to achieve something, be it through time they can help with the kids so you can do it, or you want to do it together, be sure to talk about what that looks like and what you need to achieve it, why it’s important to you. Make sure you give your partner a chance to share theirs as well. After all, its about both of you.

After you eat, you can get ready to challenge your minds and get a little competition going with a board game, video game or physical activity- make some friendly bets for things you could both use a break from. Do you always do the dishes and he always takes out the trash… Your bet if you win: you will take the trash out for the week, if he wins: he can do your dishes…

You may think- wait that’s backwards… it’s not… I intentionally twisted it, because it gives you an opportunity to serve your partner. That is important in a marriage. What better time to treat your partner, than on your anniversary.

After all bets are made and won, maybe you take a bath or shower together, or do a mini spa night… Face masks, lotion foot rubs, scalp massages or however you feel well-treated and pampered. While you relax, tell each other a few things….

1- what made you fall in love in the first place? 2- how have you grown to love more? 3- how will your love continue to grow? By focusing on your love, where it started, where it is, and where it is going- you will be filled with love and positivity. You will feel closer and more connected.

Not only did you practice self care, but you practiced service and love for your partner and vice versa. Intimacy isn’t just about sex, nor is it a requirement to have sex on your anniversary… maybe that’s not how you feel intimate…. it’s more than sex. It’s connecting on a deep level. It’s being open and honest, and even raw.

Vulnerability is scary- but sexy. Imagine the intensity and love your physical intimacy could have after such a connection of fun, love, humor, service and relaxation. Or how much deeper your connection with them will be once you have spent time together! Focused on your future- individually, and as one. I for one can’t wait to spend my anniversary with my knight in shining armor. With my true love. With my soul mate. To connect with him more fully and deeper than we can on a day to day with our opposite schedules and 3 demanding kids.

You don’t have to save this for your anniversary, either… Send the kids off to grandma’s and spend the evening connecting and rekindling love. Why? Because, mama, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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